no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
