Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
