remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
