Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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