Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
