i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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