life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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