My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
