she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
