Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
