I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My feet surprised me
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