she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
