things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Man, jail baloney is awful.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
