the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
