I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
