And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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