Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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