Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
