Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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