I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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