I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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