I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
