Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
