Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
did you get engaged???
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
