i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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