He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
