He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
