A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
