stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
