i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How does one acquire holy water?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
