I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
