I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have post one night stand depression
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