i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
