I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
