Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize