I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
