it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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