if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
