yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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