Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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