is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize