God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
