After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
