I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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