i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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