Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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