Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
