Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize