If i come over, it means nothing
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
