he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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