Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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