Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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