Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
