what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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