i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
