we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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