my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
