why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
