If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
