I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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