how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
