wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
