Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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