Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My liver is preforming stress tests.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
