if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize