wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
