one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
