"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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