Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
