Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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