dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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