I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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