"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
