I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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