So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
